brain drain.
recent governmental failures have led yours truly to the inevitable heartbreaking decision to migrate.
kayejaye.blogspot.com
hopefully, the prodigal son will return.
29/06/08
22/05/08
epiphany! pt 1.
sudden emotions in distress prompted several nice punchlines and titles to my head. so it's time to blog mysteriously and leave it to you to decipher once again.
how many ways to die?
how many ways are there to die
being buried behind that souless mound.
white powder or an eternal stay in the ground
not a motion, shhh, not even a sound.
how many ways are there to die
the human waves of life
finally dying down
as everything that once beat
plateaus out
how many ways are there to die
cut yourself in every bound
a slow bleed, a gaping wound
essence that flows and can't be found
there is many plots, but only one lead.
when hope is lost,
all follows.
yeah, so well, this was written without a punchline in mind, but just the glaring title. the very first time i wrote something from the beginning down, instead of bottom up. (at least, to my very recent memory)
not really well written, but i guess it captures a mood. word played a bit too! read once more and probably u'll see!
21/04/08
just for a day (or two)
dejected, defeated.
just when you gear up for the supposed inevitable, just when all paths seem to end at one, it gets cut off abruptly at a sheer cliff.
the worst part is that i can't blame anything, cook up any excuse, or pin-point any problem. except one thing: timing. 2 years late.
i wanted to replace my drive, and stop this nonsense. be something new, something better.
and now i'm lost, to life, not people better. i can't return even stronger, when there's no one to fight.when vengeance cannot be satiatied. when there is no sweet revenge to speak ofi can't plan revenge against life, dammit.
hating life is the equivalent of directing your hatred to the open ocean, only to have it roar back louder, in stomach-splitting laughter.
alright, you've won, dammit. now let me wallow in my prize of self pity.
17/04/08
too long, never late.
yup, here we go again with a really overdue, long awaited (yeah, i wish) entry.
actually, there's a lot to blog about, but sloth has always been my eternal enemy... (so is the lack of readers and popular response and the attention i deserve and... well you get the idea..)
have to endeavor to write down more thoughts and pen down more reflections. the mind is rusty and the keyboard not as sharp nowadays. need to keep it up to shape!
maybe a few vague entries will suffice, and more details will follow, so stay tuned, my hungry imagined readers!
09/02/08
kj's action plan for success.
1. get good grades
2. get a good job
3. get lots of money
4. step on everyone who has slighted me.
sometimes, that's the only defence i can muster, in my own imaginary perfect world. but perhaps, in that world, i wouldn't even have to resort to this.
05/02/08
happy ord!
this is supposed to be some peusdo-ord and thank you cum reflections post, but as usual, i digress.
finding it hard to come to terms with everyone's values and mental ranking of importance, and being consistent with my own codes.
finding it funny that the spread of one religion is preaching while the spread of no religion is intolerance.
hm.
12/01/08
somewhere upon that spectrum.
finding myself being set upon by too many things.
i give up my play pretend. let's not try that complicated mask anymore.
i'm just tired now.
07/01/08
jaw-breaker
dear mediacorp,
i, a concerned and once ardent viewer of your esteemed Channel 8 has my attention brought to the recent scandalous potrayal by a Malaysian. no, not the Health Minister sexploits la. it's Tay Ping Hui.
i take issue with the gross misrepresentation of my character, the utter lack in quality at how Ping Hui murders my character with unflinching ease. such character assassination! such uncompromising blamfooble! truly it is the lie of the century to have written me as such! that very Kaijie is nothing but in name compared to yours greatly!
firstly, how could you have cast Tay Ping Hui, an over-the-hill actor to have played such a charismatic, anti-hero, conflicted role that would have required the quality of an Oscar acclaimed actor? honestly, nothing less than Tony Leung would have sufficed.
secondly, i take offence of the inadequacy of my character development on-screen! oh it pains my dark heart so when you paint me as a one-sided villain that aunties would sling mud at! how could it be! i ought to be a conflicted career criminal who is forced upon by circumstances beyond control!
as such, i demand a rewrite of various significant points:
1. if i studied law, i wouldn't be a police officer. not so much a good use for an expensive degree, eh? being a judge would be a much much better show and allow even greater room for manipulation of clueless and hapless individuals. HA!
2. i wouldn't have donated bone marrows. i heard it's painful.
3. i have a fear of water, so i probably won't drown people.
4. i prefer bak gut teh, not felicia chin(a). while both are similar piles of bones, i don't like suspicious foreign goods.
thirdly, i object to the nationwide televisation of my character. from now onwards everyone will have their guard raised against huang kaijie-s, and that would severely limit my chances of:
weaseling them out of every cent i possibly can
acting innocent
playing dumb so that i can get rid of any significant opposition
manipulating everybody for my devious pleasure
hence, i would like to request from mediacorp a princely sum of 5 million dollars for ruining my life and career of a con-artist cum classic auntie's villain. failing that, i would probably have to try my hand at covert entrapment of VIPs and sell my tapes to your tabloids.
yours truly,
disgruntled viewer
06/01/08
to hell with such worldly pleasures.
because one sees the light, that is why one will dread the darkness.
i'll rather not see at all, dammit. some commitments, being the useless forms of belongings that they are, i'll rather strip off and tear aside.
burdens that i still try to escape from.
01/01/08
shoot all acquaintance.
well, here's acoming 2008, with scant celebration, relative quietness, distant fireworks, and understated calm.
not to say that 2007 is any exciting, surprising, or immensely life-changing. but it's been rewarding, and beneficial and one of my (more) mature years. less unknowns to sort out, more done, and more left to do.
probably this will be an entire year of unheaval, with the impending ORD threatening to throw me out like a owed landlord and upsetting the present laziness and complacency's equilibrium. there's temp job hunts and school yet again.
nothing much to hope for, since resolutions don't work for the faith/effort deprived, but sanity-allowing, and in my clearer moments, i shall endeavour to find a greater sense of belonging to something, and more things.
let's roll, 2008.